Blue Talk

cropped-p1100480.jpg

MY DOG TRIED TO EAT A MAN 9th May 2013

Thought I would get down to the beach early this morning to avoid the rain, and it was looking good. I opened the boot to let the dog out. Blue rushed out so quickly, and before the door was fully open that he pulled with him two umbrellas and the shopping bags I keep for pac n save and never remember to take. Whilst I put those back in I heard him barking at and chasing the seagulls that were crowded around a parked rubbish truck. The guys were on smoko eating pies and Blue jumped up and tried to get into the cab through the window wanting pie too. Apologising I pulled him off and pushed him beachwards. Blue rushed around frantically STICK>STICK>STICK>STICK>STICK> and I obliged by rummaging through the seaweed.  

Jandel….grapefruit…..sponge……….Loud barking confirmed that he was smarter than I, and had found his own stick. Problem; it belonged to another Collie who was running around Blue unsure of the etiquette. Fed up with waiting Blue took the stick into the sea lost interest and swam back without it and ran off to sniff an overwhelmed puppy. I dutifully waded in retrieved the stick threw it for the good collie and apologised to the unsmiling owner. I apologised to the puppy’s owner who had picked her dog up and carried on to the rocks where Blue had left his guava inspired turd wedged in-between two rocks. I had to engage every part of my inner core to retrieve it. Whilst balancing ninja like on the rocks the puppy owner shouted out that she thought my dog was in trouble. Looking up I saw a man hitting Blue, as I rushed to his defence the realisation of what was happening made me want to keep on running past the man in an attempt to deny ownership. Blue was pulling energetically on the man’s ‘stick’ which was, in fact, his prosthetic leg. The poor guy was hopping around on one leg while Blue tugged on his artificial one, which had just been fitted and was being tested on the sand for the first time. By the time I got there the man had fended Blue off who was now happily rolling in something dead. Thankfully the man was not injured, his leg not damaged and he possessed a great sense of humour. He did, however, think that he might get refitted with a silver rather than black lower part, which if you leant into the sun and squinted could just look like a stick. I could feel the eyes of the puppy and collie owners who had been joined by a group of other dog walkers boring into my back so I apologised for the fourth time that morning fixed a smile and carried on.

 

Elaine Moore's photo.

3 thoughts on “Blue Talk

  1. ROLF! Funniest post I have read in a long time! Perhaps because I empathise…

    ‘…carried on to the rocks where Blue had left his guava inspired turd wedged in-between two rocks. I had to engage every part of my inner core to retrieve it.’ Been there lol.

    ‘Blue rushed out so quickly, and before the door was fully open that he pulled with him two umbrellas and the shopping bags I keep for pac n save and never remember to take. Whilst I put those back in I heard him barking at and chasing the seagulls that were crowded around a parked rubbish truck.’ Sigh…yes been there although to be fair always had the little mite on a lead so the rush to bedlam was halted in seconds, (…she said smugly.)

    It belonged to another Collie who was running around Blue unsure of the etiquette. Fed up with waiting Blue took the stick into the sea lost interest and swam back without it and ran off to sniff an overwhelmed puppy.’ Haha! Just simple great writing really. And yes there is an etiquette of sorts just never worked it out!

    ‘Looking up I saw a man hitting Blue, as I rushed to his defence the realisation of what was happening made me want to keep on running past the man in an attempt to deny ownership. Blue was pulling energetically on the man’s ‘stick’ which was, in fact, his prosthetic leg. The poor guy was hopping around on one leg while Blue tugged on his artificial one, which had just been fitted and was being tested on the sand for the first time. By the time I got there the man had fended Blue off who was now happily rolling in something dead.’ This is the bit where I lost it. Loooool!

    Is he related to Fenton by any chance?

    Like

    1. Hahahaha, if he is I wish you all the best, oh and check that your pet insurance covers mental. Good to laugh and good to share so thanks for taking the time to read and comment.

      Like

      1. No Fenton isn’t my dog. Don’t tell me you haven’t heard of Fenton the internet sensation who chased a massive herd of deer in Richmond Park?
        He was then being chased by his frantic owner going ‘O my God! Jesus CHRIST! Fenton! FENTON!’ Loo!….All handily caught on tape by a bystander.

        And you’re welcome. Enjoyed it.

        Like

Is anybody out there listening to me??

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

w

Connecting to %s