Advice Safe

cropped-pregnancy-test.jpgOut of the Blue

My daughter pushed her way into my world.  I had not decided to have her, but she was ready, and so she came.  I leant against the cool plastic of the public toilet and looked again at the blue mark telling me she was on her way. I called my mum, told her that I was pregnant and wailed that my life was over.

I sobbed and asked  ‘what am I going to do?’  She laughed and said, ‘have a baby,’

Thankfully my boyfriend and I had decided that our infatuation was more than we had intended. At the looming reality of being separated by passport status, we had decided to commit and get married. It was not a romantic proposal, I’m still waiting, rather a reaction from two people who had found the fairytale but needed to fight for the Happy Ever After. We had planned to travel the world for a bit, I think we were going to drop in America somewhere and make our way from there or was it Canada? I can’t remember much about our plans, they were vague, exciting and free.  I do remember I had given in my notice to work and having a baby was not on the itinerary.cropped-30516035_1613639245358059_3609926824106131456_o.jpg

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Advice Safe

cropped-drift-wood-3.jpgIs lying to your children OK?

I overheard a mother telling her young child, who was having a tantrum, that she was going to leave the store and that the manager would put her in a room on her own.  Now no judging here, I have made plenty of ………….or else statements, it did, however, make me think about how we routinely lie to our children.

What about the small lies we tell as a tool to make children comply.  Is it OK?  Don’t lie! or your nose will grow, finish your crusts they make your hair curly, don’t pick your nose or your brains will fall out. I’m going to find a policeman, Santa is watching you, you better be good.  Are we taking the easy road on a very hard journey?   Is telling a child they must not eat cake before bedtime as it will give them nightmares better than saying, No it is unhealthy? There’s even a term for the white lie approach, it’s called Pinocchio Parenting.

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But if we lie to our children, won’t they think lying is OK??
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Advice Safe

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Rule, Britannia! Britannia, rule the waves!
Britons never, never, never shall be slaves.

My husband is a New Zealander.  The Kiwis love their land, like the Irish, they almost always return to their birthplace, if they ever leave in the first place.  I am English and proud of my heritage, I love my people more than my land.  It is a subtle difference.

My son is travelling back to London, then on to Paris to compete under the silver fern in a black singlet.  He was born in the UK.

Being British means different things to different people, I think it is these millions of bits of different, that creates the pattern of my country. Personally, I love my Queen, our shared rich and violent history, the grey manic cities and public transport of home.  I love the rolling green hills, beautiful autumn changes, seaside towns filled with ice cream, fish and chips and rolled up trousers.  I love the pomp and ceremony, the stiff upper lip and diversity of the people and the central heating.

My son does not remember most of theses things.

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Advice Safe

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This Is Me Today

Have you ever put your ear to the ground and listened.  I have seen it done in the movies, Native American trackers putting their ears to the ground to hear horses’ hooves, miles away.  I’m listening now.  I am angry with my child, the boy one, he was rude, expected too much, forgot I am a person, saw only the mother. He treated me with contempt.  My love was not shield enough, he hurt me. He hurt me with a thoughtless text message.

I want him to apologise,  see the wound he made with his words but he is young and does not understand the weapons he holds.

I want to be the parent, the rock, but today I crumbled into the rough sea of hormones. 

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Advice Safe

cropped-20180224_124936-2.jpgSometimes I feel

I look through my feet to the glittery water caught in the V of the horizon. My tummy is fat with brown bread and cheese, there was not much choice for a vegetarian, so I washed it down with champagne and was grateful.  I watch a pukeko stupid walk towards the long grass, squawking loudly to warn her chick to stay down, ‘there is a human out here, a human, stay hidden’ she says again I focus on my shoes, they are black and have molded to fit my feet perfectly.  They do not match my octopus print dress but it is a wedding by the beach; the tentacles on the fabric reach my ankles anyway, so I guess it’s alright, no one can see much of them. They are my comfortable shoes.  Today I am relaxed and comfortable, like my shoes, but sometimes I feel

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flipped,

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flopped

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Advice safe

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Can you see what I see?

There is a walkway where I live.  At some point, the Council decided to make a coastal path over large pipes, by dumping tonnes of concrete, over the lot, or so I have been told.  It connects the bays along the foot of sandstone cliffs, who are forever moaning and crying down their rock tears. If you beware the sadness of the stones and do not mind being splashed by the sea, with guile and good timing, you can make it, from one plop of sand to the next even at the highest of tides.  Today, a weekend morning, a high tide, exceptional weather, and the excitement of the official start of summer created an ant line of us along this thin piece of concrete. Happy dogs, bare legs and the smell of sun cream moved along the path with alarming efficiency. Did anyone see what I saw?crowdedmind.co

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The Advice Safe

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A walk with a snake beneath my feet

There is a beautiful path I take regularly, it carries me past a tall tree, whose trunk has split in the growing.  It flicks out of the earth like the tongue of a giant serpent, tines spread wide, to collect the chemicals of my existence. Sometimes I daydream that the mighty head with rise out of the ground and the creature lurking below will paralyse me with fear and eat my dog.  I walk a little quicker on these broody dark days. Sometimes I just think about what to cook for dinner and hardly notice the trunk, when the sun shines bright, my crowded mind is filled with marshmallows and gravy.

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Today I am standing under the tree looking up. It is the end of a bright blue sky day and I have just watched two Rosellas scramble up from the grass path before me.  They chatter now, among the leaves, avoiding my gaze, waiting for me to go. My dog is busy with a smaller one of his kind further back along the path,  I have time.  The pair are annoyed with me, they want to eat the grass seed, I want to see their bright feathers, the dog is still sniffing, there is a standoff.  I can not see the birds among the cones and glare of the sun. Continue reading “The Advice Safe”

The Advice Safe

crowdedmind.coOne day you might have children of your own

I fear this part, the letting go.  I know my children are good, I know they understand right from wrong, I know they want to do their best, I know it is time to let go.  I just hate the thought of it.

I have spent my time as a parent preparing my children for an independent life.  I have taught skills, spoken of life with all its complications.  I have explained the good and the bad.  They understand life is a hot soup, to be tasted with caution,  enjoyed to the last scrape.

I am not sure what it is I fear, broken heart, broken limbs, broken mind.  These things can be mended.

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