Category: Blue Talk

Blue Talk

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My dog sees a bench and sits on it, others just cock their leg.

I am always being told that people love reading about Blue, and am often asked has anything else happened with Blue lately?  The answer is, yes, the dog and I regularly face, err… challenges.  For me, these continuous life bumps are best forgotten.  In fact, they are so common I ignor them.  It seems, there is demand for these little tales of my humiliation, so I have started writing them down again.  I have two accounts sitting in my Drafts, right now, which I will publish later when some time has passed. Here is one that happened just last week, so are you sitting comfortably?

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Blue Talk

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cropped-p1100855.jpgI think I am playing the Hunger Games.

 

Today, I was skipping through my emails, when the unthinkable happened.  My screen went blank; apparently I was trying to insert a disc that Windows did not recognise.  I looked under the bench, just to be sure, but no, nothing was being inserted, anywhere.  I turned the laptop on and off several times, but it just kept giving me the same stupid message, a  vertical sad face asking me to wait while it self- diagnosed.  I huffed and I puffed, swigged my last bit of coffee and went off to do something else for an hour.  The laptop was still not happy to see me when I returned, the face looked even sadder and had done nothing about self diagnosing; 0% complete.Fix-Blue-Screen-Error-in-Windows-8-7-and-XP-

Leave it mum, you don’t know what you are doing.  Sage words waft from my daughter’s bedroom.  I continued to hit buttons randomly, until finally I was asked to solve the problem with a re-start.  Yes finally, I have an answer.  Mum!  My daughter came out, please do not hit any more buttons, you could make it worse.

It’s alright, I answered in total  control.  I have hit the re start button, I tell her confidently.

Noooooooooo, mum, you will lose everything. Continue reading “Blue Talk” →

Blue Talk

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Blue saw a seashell on the seashore 28th October, 2015

My walks with Blue have been remarkably calm of late, apart from the golf ball incident and the erosion of the cliff down at Mairangi Bay which I did not write about for fear of civil action. In fact, I have rather smugly walked past less fortunate owners, silently tut-tutting as they extricate themselves from one tricky situation or another, turning my head rather elegantly as my collie walks oh so lead-free by my side. Look everybody, no hands. With every rise my friends, there is always a fall, and today we fell so very far. Continue reading “Blue Talk” →

Blue Talk

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MY DOG TRIED TO EAT A MAN 9th May 2013

Thought I would get down to the beach early this morning to avoid the rain, and it was looking good. I opened the boot to let the dog out. Blue rushed out so quickly, and before the door was fully open that he pulled with him two umbrellas and the shopping bags I keep for pac n save and never remember to take. Whilst I put those back in I heard him barking at and chasing the seagulls that were crowded around a parked rubbish truck. The guys were on smoko eating pies and Blue jumped up and tried to get into the cab through the window wanting pie too. Apologising I pulled him off and pushed him beachwards. Blue rushed around frantically STICK>STICK>STICK>STICK>STICK> and I obliged by rummaging through the seaweed.  

Jandel….grapefruit…..sponge……….Loud barking confirmed that he was smarter than I, and had found his own stick. Problem; it belonged to another Collie who was running around Blue unsure of the etiquette. Fed up with waiting Blue took the stick into the sea lost interest and swam back without it and ran off to sniff an overwhelmed puppy. I dutifully waded in retrieved the stick threw it for the good collie and apologised to the unsmiling owner. I apologised to the puppy’s owner who had picked her dog up and carried on to the rocks where Blue had left his guava inspired turd wedged in-between two rocks. I had to engage every part of my inner core to retrieve it. Whilst balancing ninja like on the rocks the puppy owner shouted out that she thought my dog was in trouble. Looking up I saw a man hitting Blue, as I rushed to his defence the realisation of what was happening made me want to keep on running past the man in an attempt to deny ownership. Blue was pulling energetically on the man’s ‘stick’ which was, in fact, his prosthetic leg. The poor guy was hopping around on one leg while Blue tugged on his artificial one, which had just been fitted and was being tested on the sand for the first time. By the time I got there the man had fended Blue off who was now happily rolling in something dead. Thankfully the man was not injured, his leg not damaged and he possessed a great sense of humour. He did, however, think that he might get refitted with a silver rather than black lower part, which if you leant into the sun and squinted could just look like a stick. I could feel the eyes of the puppy and collie owners who had been joined by a group of other dog walkers boring into my back so I apologised for the fourth time that morning fixed a smile and carried on.

 

Elaine Moore's photo.

Blue Talk

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Daylight savings 5th May 2014

I love walking on the beach with my dog and I love daylight savings; the dog and I can walk on the beach anytime with light hearts, yippee. No small children building castles for Blue to pee on, no old people with food that Blue can beg for, no fishermen with bait buckets that Blue can steal from. Unfortunately the stiff winds driving rain and high tide did not deter the bad tempered man with a metal detector,(where was he when I lost my f…..g keys and had to walk home with no shoes wet pants holding Blue by the collar) Blue barks predictably as he thinks the man is holding a long stick, my shouts are lost to the wind, man holds up metal detector in threatening manner, Blue sees only that the man is assuming the position of a stick thrower, so barks and jumps higher. Man walks off shouting profanities at me, comes back as he had forgotten his bag and a large wave had taken it in to the stormy sea. I get another load of abuse and have to roll jeans up to retrieve said bag, It never ends. I hate Walking on the beach with my dog.