Campfire Stories

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Would you still write if no one listened?

I read somewhere that over 6.5 million people blog, double that if you include social media.  Most of us are woman.  What are we doing, why are we doing it?

WordPress made me think about this recently whilst setting goals I found it uncomfortable, it made me admit I wanted to be heard, that I wanted more followers; I am actually socially shy and private, so I was confused.  My answers showed a path that I had not intended.

Cat plays her throat trumpet announcing she will be sharing my space for a while.  I am full of questions and rub under her chin as I silently try to answer them. The pressure confuses her body and her back leg lifts, performing a scratching action midair.  That happens to the dog sometimes, I wonder if the pressure of my words have any impact, do they cause an action somewhere else.

I have not posted for a while, a recent family trauma has left only dark and revengeful words.  Sentences that have been scrunched up and buried in their paper coffins, too bitter for sharing.  Interesting, as I wanted this space to be a true reflection of myself; clearly I am not able to share all of myself here.   I am not sure that I share all of myself anywhere.  Is it that here, I am too worried about what people would think, so I modify my words?  Afraid to be me. Is this what my blog is? another version of facebook? a sanitised snapshot fighting for LIKES, I hope not, I think not.

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This is me fresh from the sea, wind and sand, is my writing as honest?

Something moves on Cat’s shoulder, I look closely it is an ant body surfing the dense black fur, unable to go forward or back.  It is moving its legs furiously making only tiny, tiny circles.  I flick it off and am immediately sickened by my action, I look at my fingernail for evidence of death and then scan the sofa and cushions for evidence of life.  I find nothing and must now live with my actions.

I know why I write, those who share thoughts with a mark are just made that way, we are compelled to record, but would I blog if nobody listened?  I type ‘why do people blog’ into the search bar and am rewarded with the top 10 reasons.

Express Your Thoughts and Opinions
You have something to say, and blogs provide a place to say it and be heard.
Market or Promote Something
Blogging is a great way to help market or promote yourself or your business, product, or service.
Help People

Many blogs are written to help people who may be going through similar situations that the blogger has experienced.

Establish Yourself as an Expert
Blogs are wonderful tools to help bloggers establish themselves as experts in a field or topic.
Connect With People Like You
Blogging brings like-minded people together. Starting a blog can help you find those people and share your opinions and thoughts.
Make a Difference
Many blogs are issue-based, which means the blogger is trying to provide information to sway people’s thinking in a certain direction.
Stay Active or Knowledgeable in a Field or Topic

This can be done without even publicly pushing the blog content, so you could just use blogging in this way as a self-help continium to keep your mind sharp.

Stay Connected with Friends and Family

The world has shrunk since the internet has become more accessible. Blogs provide a simple way for family and friends to stay connected from different parts of the world by sharing stories, photos, videos and more.

Make Money

There are many bloggers who bring in big bucks. With patience and practice, you can make money through advertising and other activities.

Have Fun and Be Creative
Many people start blogs just to have fun.

 

I belong within this list, I feel sad that I am not a wandering word minstrel, that  I am just one of the 6.5 million bloggers out there, a woman, tapping, thinking, scratching her thoughts down as part of a category.  Why do I feel this way? more searching. Cat gets fed up and leaves, I am boring her with my inward thinking and endless questions. I think ultimately I want to be unique without the risk of being different.  I do not want to offend friends and family, a community of bloggers. I do not want to stand naked and proud, am I being honest, the grey, overweight, salt stiff person in the picture is honest.

Would I still write if no one listened? I ask myself again…………………..YES, yes I would.  Am I strong enough to release myself totally to a public forum? NO, no I am not, I fear judgment, the very thing I tell my children to challenge?

An ant scales my big toe, I hope it is the same one and let it wonder at the vastness of my smooth toenail, generally, I do not make the same mistake twice.  Perhaps I should be braver, the ant on my toe is brave, I watch it scoot across my nail and take heart, then again, the ant on the cat was brave.DSC_0169

 

6 thoughts on “Campfire Stories

  1. Wow, you do have a crowded mind! I’m reading you. I don’t think you were looking for advice, but I’d like to say, stop thinking so much, just write it out, let it go, let it flow, and don’t think about it too much, just write. I liked your post, but don’t let anyone’s opinions sway your subject matter. Maybe writing down those dark words you spoke about might help.

    Like

    1. I know you are right. I write exactly as it comes to my mind but I definitely backspace if I think I will offend. I just need that last piece of conviction, I have started digging deeper, I think it is a process. Thank you for your encouragement.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Grey, overweight, salt stiff person??? How wrong you are. We can all take a terrible photo, personally I delete those. When I think of you, I think creative, gem, wonderfully funny, games, cocktails, feisty, you have a unique and delightful outlook on life, loving, mother, partner, sister, friend, good at everything you turn your hand to, gardener, master chef…
    It must be incredibly hard writing about your personal life and thoughts without breaching the privacy of your loved ones, but somehow you manage to do it.
    You, and your family have been through an incredibly tough time and have experienced an horrific event, the marks of which continue to be felt. Not a wonder you are questioning your world and yourself.
    Grey, overweight, salt stiff person… NO! colourful, definitely not overweight and one of the most flexible thinkers I know.
    I may just be a complete fan. Keep writing because you love it, and your writing is real and from the heart. Xxxxx

    Like

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