
Beautiful Decay

My bones are shrinking in size and density, making them weak and more susceptible to fracture so I must watch my step. My Muscles feel weaker and I am not as bendy. I think I have got a bit shorter.

My digestive system, my large intestine to be exact, is undergoing structural changes which means I must eat more fiber. My bladder is becoming less elastic and, along with my pelvic floor muscles, is getting weaker. I now understand the adverts.

My brain is changing. I cannot easily remember the name of thingybobby’s wife. I can no longer cook dinner, help with homework, and talk on the phone at the same time. But I am getting better at crosswords.

My eyes work differently. I must hold things further away and ask for help with the small print, I squint in the glare and can’t see in the dark. I am always losing my glasses. I can’t see the hairs on my face, so my daughter now helpfully points them out.

My earlobes are drooping. I say “say that again” more often than not and can no longer hear the high pitch call of a dog whistle. I nod yes when I mean no in a crowd. I wear lighter earing and turn the sound up on the remote.

My skin has got thinner, more fragile, less elastic and I bruise more easily because the fatty tissue just below my skin is decreasing. Less oil production now means dry skin, wrinkles, age spots and…….

……………what the hell is that thing that appeared overnight.

My body is aging and there is nothing I can do to stop it. It insists on the process, sometimes it makes me laugh, but mostly I sigh, accept, and buy more appropriate clothing. I have after all been aging since birth.

Getting old can feel like a sin in a world that worships the young. But there is a gift, a certain kind of emotional wellbeing, which comes with the years. All the experiences, the learning, forges wisdom. I have a bag of answers, which I am sometimes asked to open, but don’t care if I’m not.

I feel liberated, I can wear whatever makes me happy, let stupid opinions go, speak the truth to my friends, be myself in a photo, dance where I want to, and wear comfortable shoes or a heel with my jeans.

I do not worry about the small stuff quite so much, do not have to LIKE if I do not want to. I understand that things will get better, that time really can heal and there will always be another……….

I now have more time to do what I want when I want. The pressure and responsibilities for planning my future are slipping away, becoming less important. It is time to simply be me, to go back to how it all started. I appreciate the symmetry.

I feel like I can pursue something different, feel something new, live a second adolescence. I want to push the boundaries, do some good, give something back, and have a nap in the afternoon without feeling guilty.

I wear my crown of wisdom proudly. I am excited to see what the future brings
Very glad you’re back. Always enjoy your writings
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Lost a bit of confidence, so this comment is amazing. Thank you.
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Love this–and feel this. Thank you!
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Yep I’m looking forward, hope you are too. And thank you.
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