The Red Folder

July 10, 2017October 8, 2017 ~ crowdedmind ~ Leave a comment

Even big cheese stars need the chorus line

A quick and simple guide to cheeseboards

I recently put up a cheeseboard of mammoth proportions, hundreds of dollars worth of cheese on a board made from a 6ft table and a milk crate, it was epic. Funny then, that most people commented on the small things that shared that space with the giant wheels, rounds, waxed and washed mountains of cheese.

It is a pretty standard rule for a cheeseboard something blue, something soft and a hard cheese, one piece of each is enough for 2 to 4 people. As your guests increase so does the choice or quantity of the chosen ones, there is a mass of advice out there, you do not need me, choose what you love. Now, what makes your choices shine are the supporting cast to the big cheese stars, it is, after all, theater.

Ladies and gentleman, let me introduce you to Messrs date, pear, walnut, and biscuit.

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The Red Folder

July 6, 2017October 11, 2017 ~ crowdedmind ~ 4 Comments

Bliss balls, providing perfect happiness in a bite??

Are Bliss Balls healthy?

I first made some little balls of goodness about 9 years ago, when I truly believed the children would eat them as an alternative to baking. I don’t know how to spell the noise the big fat red cross makes when Simon Cowell hits his button, but that’s what I heard when I presented two hours of work to my two beautiful mini humas. The boy one would not even try, I resorted to bribery in the end as he refused to even pick one up and the girl one took the smallest rabbit nibble possible. It was unanimous……………. Image result for x

I was to never, ever try to make them eat the yucky brown balls with bits in again. SIGH. I pushed the 24 balls around morosely and wondered how I could make anybody eat them, they were after all expensive to make and so very, very healthy. My husband found them in the cake tin and heroically ignored them for a week and the kids were not fooled when they were reshaped and offered as biscuits, a base for a slice or cunningly disguised as a brownie. The dog and I took one for the team, in retrospect I was a little heavy on the flax seed and the dog pooped out pumpkin kernels for days.

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Cocktails

July 2, 2017August 2, 2017 ~ crowdedmind ~ 2 Comments

Big and busty, the Porn Star Martini, embrace her.

Why is the delicious blend of vodka and passion fruit, with a side of fizz call a Pornstar Martini, who cares, it tastes fantastic? I look for it on all the cocktail menus and order one without hesitation, and encourage others to do the same. There is so much information out there I suppose I could look into it, but I’m too busy drinking it to care.

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Campfire stories

July 1, 2017July 1, 2017 ~ crowdedmind ~ Leave a comment

I must resist the gusts and stand tall, my roots are strong.

I am wide awake in the early hours of a cold and windy Saturday morning. My already fragmented slumber, pierced by the sound of my mobile phone announcing a text. A constant companion, my phone is usually in my pocket all day, in case some foul event descends upon one of my beloved. I don’t know how my mum coped without this constant reassurance that if one of her children or husband were involved in something dreadful, she would know one nanosecond later. Image result for Hi

During the day at work, when my phone is in my pocket, I rarely hear the requests, hi and where are you , yet when it is on the kitchen bench or as it was tonight under a pillow on the sofa, meters away from my body, its boingy happy sound fills the whole house. Tonight it made me jump out of bed and stumble along the hall, arms outstretched like one of the zombie dead. I read the message through blinking, bloodshot eyes, my son, is on another continent, but is happy and doing well. Yay, I run back and tell my husband who has the enviable knack of listening, making the right reply, rolling over and resuming his sleep within, I would say less than a minute.

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The Red Folder

June 27, 2017October 8, 2017 ~ crowdedmind ~ 2 Comments

Homemade Pastry – kids, have you forgotten how good it tastes?

A quick and simple guide to making pastry.

Pastry is the first grown up thing I can remember making. The delight of rubbing the cold hard lumps of fat into the flour to create a light, crumbly sand texture, with mum, sits with me still. Why make your own I can hear you groan, because kids, it has a certain crumbly deliciousness that is hard to replicate in bulk. Eaters always ask oooh yummy did you make this pastry, I rest my case. I make mine in the food processor now, it lacks the romance of making by hand, but I am time poor. Processor pastry tastes almost as good as mum’s buttery crisp crusts and is cheaper and tastier than the bought, so I am happy to pass this method on, in case you have forgotten my early teachings, and want to show your own children, just once, please! crowdedmind.co

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Campfire Stories

June 25, 2017July 17, 2017 ~ crowdedmind ~ 2 Comments

Facing the future in style

There is a dead fly in my sink, it has been there for two days now, it’s tiny glassy wings stuck to the stainless steel, legs up, comically, like it is pretending, waiting for a friend to zzzzzzzzzzzz past so it can say boo. My daughter is in her bedroom deciding where her tattoo is going to be placed next Friday. I am invited, periodically, to view pieces of skin with photocopies of cat’s heads in various positions and moved degree by degree. My input is neither wanted nor needed, the cat head will settle in the perfect spot in black and white splendour, announcing to the word that its canvas is, young, firm and adventurous. I pull the top of my yoga pants out slightly and look at my own piece of ink. Was I ever that young, firm and free?

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Campfire stories

June 10, 2017July 15, 2017 ~ crowdedmind ~ 3 Comments

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Meeting a hero – kids I hope you get to meet one of yours.

The stars aligned, after two years of trying, the wonderful Mrs R Sehji, responsible for food technology at Westlake Boys, arranged for top chef Peter Gordon to visit the school. Now I am not normally the gushy fangirl type, particularly in the personality chef world, but I was beside myself at the announcement. Not all were so impressed however and my spontaneous bursts of, OMG Peter Gordon is coming; I love his food, have you heard about Peter Gordon’s visit? drew blanks. My excitement continued with demanding questions as I handed my captors their lunch; are you looking forward to hearing what Peter Gordon has to say? Have you got his latest book? All this with my general jumping up and down on the spot with fast hand clapping was met, mostly with bewilderment and always with a suspicion that I needed more sleep. Continue reading “Campfire stories” →

Campfire Story

January 23, 2017July 22, 2017 ~ crowdedmind ~ 2 Comments

A New Year – a brand new me

10 Points to look at to build a healthy, balanced approach to life.

A New Year always brings within its first month the scent of change. For me, January wears a heady perfume of new resolutions, reflections with a slight undertone of regret. January is the year’s new paragraph; for me, it is also a very special month. My daughter was born on the first and I married my husband on the last of its days, in between these two celebrations I always find myself vowing to be a better version of myself. Generally, it takes the form of a Warrant of Fitness, where I check my health, eating and exercise habits, moderate my drinking and have a good cleanout of my life’s debris. I mentally make a list of places I want to go, people I want to see and things I would like to achieve. I sometimes even write these things down, but as you know by now, my random scrawlings are often lost to the wind. My plans are normally a little loose and by March mostly forgotten, I suspect this is a typical pattern. Hear my cry THIS YEAR WILL BE DIFFERENT. Continue reading “Campfire Story” →

Advice Safe

January 13, 2016July 17, 2017 ~ crowdedmind ~ Leave a comment

Be safe at night – Make like a gecko, drop your baggage and run.

Whilst statistically you are no more likely to be attacked at night than in the day, these attacks do tend to be more violent. Life is good, attacks are rare, but they do happen and when you are not expecting them. This is just in case, prepared always does best. Do not be afraid, be strong and aware.

As part of a team, I used to teach self-defense to woman. Here is some of the advice that has stayed with me and I can share on the page. It is worth noting that 90% of this is common sense and gender neutral. To my daughter, please find space in your bag for a light pair of socks in a plastic bag. If you find yourself staggering home after too much to drink, alone, in high heels, take them off, put in the bag and put the socks on before you start. Better sore feet and ruined socks than a ruined evening. To my son, do not be a hero, anything but your life can be replaced. Let them take it. To my children, always think about how you are going to get home before you start your evening if you are going to drink. Travel with someone else or take a taxi. If this is not possible then try and remember something from this list. Continue reading “Advice Safe” →

Campfire Story

January 12, 2016July 17, 2017 ~ crowdedmind ~ Leave a comment

Farting in front of your boyfriend – the last taboo

I think I am fairly safe in saying that there does exist, a farting etiquette.

Never fart at work. It is an unspoken rule that female workers go to the toilet to fart and most gents will also try to hold it in long enough to make it to the toilet. Even if the bowl amplifies everything to an H-bomb status on the Richter scale, you can leave the cubicle knowing nobody will say anything. In fact, nobody will even look at you. Roguish men usually just let them go silently, turning it into a game of gas poker. If they get caught they will usually grin, accept the title of dirty pig and carry on or encourage others to try and beat it.
Never fart at anyone on purpose, you could get arrested. Do not believe me? hit here.
Never fart in a lift, there is nowhere to hide. If it sounds like ripping Velcro apart, everyone else will know that was you. If you manage a silent release then everyone will know it was you, as you will be the only one looking at your feet. Either way, there is no walking away from it.
Never fart in front of your in laws. Ever.
Never fart in front of your grandparents.
Never fart in front of your boyfriend.

If you accidentally let one go and do not own up immediately, there are a number of strategies. Continue reading “Campfire Story” →